In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
