Princesses don't give blow jobs
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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