Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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