so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
