found the other keg... it's in the tree
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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