I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
