great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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