please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
