why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
