I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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