she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
