i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
