I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Boobs are out for the taking
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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