Can Purell be used as lube?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
