i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
