Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
