at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
