I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
