I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
