I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
