I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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