my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
