so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is Oprah even human
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
