Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
True college students do jello shots in the library
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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