that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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