I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
