She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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