it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
