His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
