I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
