non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We left an ass print on the piano.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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