My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
