Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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