Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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