on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
