You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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