I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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