you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
