Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
