First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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