At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
