Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
