My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
