I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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