Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My vagina is very pro this idea
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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