my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
