I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
