Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
