Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
