we have officially lost it.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Randomize
